


The Hallmark Of Genius

by distantstarlight, GeekishChic



Series: Precious Moments [1]
Category: Sherlock (TV), Sherlock Holmes & Related Fandoms
Genre: Brought To You By A Genius And Vodka, C-R-A-C-K, Distantstarlight Is A Genius, Inspired, silliness
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-20
Updated: 2015-02-15
Packaged: 2018-02-26 08:46:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2645597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/distantstarlight/pseuds/distantstarlight, https://archiveofourown.org/users/GeekishChic/pseuds/GeekishChic
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When Sherlock decides to make greeting cards.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. For Sally

**Author's Note:**

> So this literally just happened when I (geekishchic) was commenting on yet another brilliant distantstarlight fic called World Wide Web (go read immediately if you're into johnlock fluff of the highest calibur). Now you don't have to ship johnlock or anyone for that matter to enjoy these, but vodka helps I think.
> 
> The comment(including the quote that started it all): "Congratulations on the return of your genital functionality.” Sherlock should write greeting cards. Honestly. That is the best.
> 
> To which she replied: Sherlock would be FANTASTIC at writing inappropriate greeting cards but sadly he'd never do it because it's boring. Maybe John could just save up Sherlock's comments and make a side-line business out of it.
> 
> No matter what school of thought you subscribe to, we can all agree that these are ridiculously funny, especially when there's vodka involved. 
> 
> We'll add more as we think of them and even expand to notes left around for various people and even texts because Sherlock will obsess and extend this to every aspect of his life.
> 
>  
> 
> P.S. I suppose there should be some sort of disclaimer about how we are not, in any way, attempting to be disrespectful to anyone or anything, but if you can't find the inappropriate humor in all things then we suggest you skip this one.

For Sally,

Roses are red  
Black and Yellow are bees  
Here is some ointment  
for your freshly scrubbed floor knees

xoxo 

Sherlock and John


	2. Invitation

You are hereby invited to a blowout on the 5th of November 

To be held at Parliament


	3. Easter

For John,

Sorry I took more than three days to return.

Happy Easter.

Yours,  
Sherlock


	4. Valentine's Day

I anatomically incorrect heart you.

Happy Valentine's Day.


	5. St. Patrick's Day

The snakes represented pagans.  
Happy Irish Catholic Intolerance Day.

Coupon good for one green lager.


	6. To Lestrade

Lestrade

Roses are red, your hair is gray  
That doesn’t matter to Mycroft  
Ask him out, he’s gay


	7. Congratulations

Congratulations on the return of your genital functionality.


	8. Beltane

Happy Beltane  
(An actual sex holiday)


	9. To Anderson

Anderson

The Darwin Award list was posted  
Your name was not on it.  
Happy Birthday and better luck next year.


	10. From Sherlock

Roses are red  
Violets are blue  
Everyone's an idiot

Sincerely,

Sherlock Holmes


	11. Pirate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> leobutler and "Talk like a pirate day"

John  
I’d walk the plank for you

Sherlock


	12. Post It Note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> notes to John

You liked that strange show with the people called the Borg  
I don’t really care, I just needed to rhyme with morgue.  
There’s a bin on the counter, cab money on the table  
Can you pick up some feet, as soon as you’re able?


	13. Bundle of Joy

Religiously, Oestre/Eastre was the Saxon goddess of the dawn and Spring.  
The rabbit, known for its rapid reproduction, is her sacred animal.  
Scientifically, there wasn't much else to do during the winter months.

Congratulations on the new baby


	14. Halloween

Trick or treat  
Smell my feet  
That's disgusting  
Unless I'm trying to figure out where they've been  
For a case

Happy Halloween

Sherlock


	15. April 1st

John,

I've cleaned the refrigerator and there is fresh milk.

Sherlock

P.S. April Fools

P.P.S. We're out of milk

P.P.P.S. Better go shopping again as the food has now been rendered inedible.

P.P.P.P.S. Sorry


	16. Mother's Day

Mycroft is proof of why you needed to try again  
I am proof of why you didn’t need to make a third attempt  
Well done  
Happy Mother’s Day

Sherlock


	17. Memo

MEMO

To: Philip Anderson

From: Sherlock Holmes

Re: Nonsense

 

John told me love means never having to say you're sorry. 

Therefore, I'm sorry.

 

 


	18. From Jim

Sticks and stones

may break my bones

but my words can break yours

if you mess with me

 

            -JM xx


	19. Marriage

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> MyriadProBold wanted something about marriage

To John:

 

_Alone is what protects me_

is what I used to claim but after I met you

my life was never the same

willingly I join you to walk through this life

but since we're both men I can't be your wife.

 

Love Sherlock

**Author's Note:**

> If there is a particular tradition or holiday, no matter how obscure (the more obscure, the better actually because Sherlock is pretty obscure) please don't hesitate to comment us a link to its history that we may include it. 
> 
> No reason we all can't learn something new whilst laughing our asses off...


End file.
